A song about ‘breakdown’ or ‘dark night of the soul’ or whatever tag you want to use to socialise trouble in the heart. I had a psychotic episode in my early twenties I suppose you might call it where religion and mayhem all mixed inside my head and I lived through strange fantasies, dreams and obsessions. I found out who my true friends were. Many people in my family's religious tradition thought it was the result of my 'sin' and as a punishment wreaked from the Almighty. Written about 20 years on from those days as an homage to friendship especially to Mary, Ian, Chris, Lucy, Jamie and Richard who weren't phased by their weird friend at the time. Chemical? Genetic? Environment? Who knows. It wasnt' self induced by a reckless life. It's a mystery. However soon after, I lived the through the most creative and wonderful period of my life with music, work, love and friendship.
Again the song is rooted in Edinburgh especially Morningside and Churchill. I’m always amazed at how snow transforms landscape when even the most crooked and ugly objects can become beautiful. I remember seeing a car breakers yard one day full of jagged steel; the next it had become a magic kingdom after a snow storm.
Recorded by Steve Butler at Heaven Studios in Dalry, Ayrshire in 1996. A few references:
' Winifred' is Winifred Rushforth who was a psychiatrist and psychotherapist who I visited and attended one of her dream groups. 'Four Sad Ravioli' is based on an invite from my friend Ian Gould who phoned up one day and asked if I would like to come round for a meal so for about 20 mins I walked along the mile stretch of Grange Road salivating on the thought of the feast that lay ahead. Imagine my delight when he reached for a can opener and a small tin from the cupboard and plopped a few poor ravioli into a pan. Mmmm. Ian drove around in MG sports cars, smoked cigars and was devouring Hermann Hesse novels at the time. He was heavily into modern jazz and his room was up this back stair in his parent's house lined with books and records. Richard is Richard Holloway ex. Bishop of Edinburgh who visited me in hospital. (The Andrew Duncan Clinic). As a patient I was subject to people theorising around me; all talk and form filling (there was a student psychologist who ran a survey on me with a huge form with tick boxes. I just made up the answers while stretching it out as long as possible as she was so beautiful). I was also the subject for a student Psychiatrist and visibly upset him as I contradicted his analysis in front of his esteemed professors in the oral exam. The weird thing was that there were all these people running round with their theories and knowledge about you which they wouldn't share. Richard was mainly silent and relied on symbols of the sacrament, and the 'strange shape of prayer.' The 'three stained glass windows' are in Old St Paul's Church on Market Street. I love the building because it's sandwiched around 'Edinburgh stone' and it hasn't a grand entrance which shouts about money and power but a small door which opens out into this cavernous space which to me is a symbol of the hidden world behind everything where I think meaning lives and can transform the mundane.
Landscape artist Anne Butler used the title for one of her paintings .
They sent for the doctor yesterday
The boy is behaving in a most peculiar way
Young men will see visions, old men will dream dreams
But not in this city, if you please
A long white low building, the house of the damned
Which one's Andrew Duncan, is that him in the underpants?
You leaned on my doorway after asking the staff
I'm looking for an old friend, I remember his laugh
Change me like snow, Mary, Change me like snow
The light of your friendship will always glow
I don't think I told you, I don't think you know
The light of your friendship changed me like snow
Oh you jazz lover, smoke your cigars
With your Hermann Hesse novels in the back of fast cars
In a circle at Winifreds, what a household of dreams
All the symbols and signs that upset the squeaky clean
Then round at your town house, up a long dark back stair
Music and books are the spoils in your lair
You said 'Come round for a meal' then reached for a tin
Four sad ravioli and an acre wide grin
Change me like snow, Ian...
The stiff holy people cruised round in big ships
With sin seeking missiles sticking out from their lips
A tall priest at the bedside on his knees at my death
In the strange shape of prayer and the passing of breath
Three tall stained glass windows, a net for the sky
Clouds chase out the winter, frost shapes melt in your eyes
The Edinburgh night creeps back under her stone
And the One is now Three and the Three are now One.
Change me like snow, Richard...
credits
released January 5, 1995
FROM THE ALBUM WINTER'S CHILDREN
E. Guitars: Charlie Irvine
Organ: Steve Butler
Bass: Ewen Vernal
Drums: Dave Watson
Acoustic Guitar: Sonny Mysterioso
Vcls: David Heavenor
Recorded and produced by Steve Butler
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